


And As I Lay Dying

by IronicallyIdiotic (DizzyDisaster)



Series: Come As We Are [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Aerith and Seph have similar backgrounds, Canon Compliant, Character Death, F/M, I wanted to write something about my babies, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kinda, Mind Palace, Possible Spoilers, So this is what should have happened anyway, Spirit Bonds, but like y'all know that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyDisaster/pseuds/IronicallyIdiotic
Summary: He looked down on the face of the child who couldn’t walk or talk but understood that he needed comfort and promised himself that he would give her the same love that she had just given to him. He would do everything within his power to protect her. Sephiroth did not know how wrong he would be.--He is her destruction.She is his salvation.--A what-if Sephiroth and Aerith had been there for each other as children as they both suffered at the hands of Hojo. Oneshot.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough & Sephiroth, Aerith Gainsborough/Sephiroth
Series: Come As We Are [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183262
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	And As I Lay Dying

#### He retained his innocence.

#### She existed only as a far off whisper.

Sephiroth remembered Professor Gast fondly, having been the only father figure he would ever come to know. Gast treated him kindly. More kindly than Hojo, his actual father as he would later come to learn, ever dared to bestow upon him. Where Hojo was nothing but the pinprick of a needle and the harshness of insanity, Gast was full of tender hugs and the comfort of knowing even in this Hell called ShinRa Labs there was someone that truly loved him.

There was a woman with him once, down in the depths of torture. He had been young then, barely four years old but already Hojo had him speaking Wutaiese and practicing battle strategies all while running his endurance ragged. Sephiroth had never known her name, but he had known her to be kind, the same way Professor Gast had been. She was kept in a cage, but she was strong. He saw it in her eyes the most. They were green in color, similar to his own, yet where his shown bright with the mako that had been pumped into him from a time before he could remember hers were bright with hope and the wisdom of Gaia. 

Gast had been taken with her the second he had seen her. Sephiroth had been brought to see her only a handful of times, and always by the Professor late at night when he knew that Hojo was too busy steadily falling into his insanity to notice that his prized creation was no longer in his room being monitored. She had smiled when she first saw him, and just as Gast had been he was taken with her too. He had returned the smile, shy but bright, and the two felt the understanding pass between them. The acknowledgment of two creatures trapped in a cage.

Late one night, later than the Professor had ever come to him before, Gast slipped quietly into his room with the woman following softly but quickly behind him. Gast, ever the father that he had always been, pulled Sephiroth tightly into his arms. The Professor had placed a finger to his lips, urging the boy to be quiet. With Sephiroth held in one arm and the woman’s hand wrapped around the other, Gast led them through the halls of ShinRa to what Sephiroth could only hope for was his freedom. It’s a shame that they had been too late.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” 

The voice that carried after them was the one that Sephiroth had always associated with terror. When that voice spoke, it was yet again time for the boy to be subjected to another one of the mad scientist’s experiments in his goal to strive for weaponized perfection. Sephiroth looks at the woman’s face, and he can see his expression reflected there. 

“Somewhere you can’t find us. I won’t allow you to continue down this path. It’s inhumane.”

It had been Gast that had spoken, proud, and strong. Hojo had sneered, and Sephiroth had known even at the age of four that he was not offended by the inference that his work was morally wrong, for in Hojo’s madness neither he nor the woman was ever once human to begin with. 

The scientist seemed to curl in on himself in anger, watching as Gast continued down the hall with his two most prized possessions held gently but protectively in his arms. Hojo let out a yell of rage and launched himself in the direction of Sephiroth, the woman, and their protector. The rest of the events remain a blur in Sephiroth’s mind. There was a scream of terror that came from the woman. Gast let out a startled shout and gasp of pain as he was rammed in the ribs by a madman. Sephiroth was ripped from the arms of the Professor, kicking and screaming as Hojo held him in his tight grip. He liked to believe he was the reason Gast and the woman had been able to escape. That his fight in the hands of his captor was what distracted Hojo long enough for them flee. Gast ran down the hall with the woman in his arms, shouting in agony as she was led farther and farther from the child with whom she wished to save from the fate she would no longer have to know. Gast looked back towards him only once, guilt painted his features as he looked back towards the boy that he had loved and abandoned in the hands of a father who would only ever treat him as less than a living thing. Sephiroth felt the tears falling down his cheeks as they ran. He would never see Professor Gast again. 

#### He is still lost.

#### She breathes her first and Gaia sings her joy.

The woman returns. He is five years old now. Gast is not with her, but in his place is a child. A baby just new in the world with a tuft of hair the same chestnut brown and the same knowing green eyes as her mother. She carries with her the lingering scent of snow and the growing fragrance of flowers. Hojo lets him see them before he puts them in their cage if only to boast his victory and ensure that Sephiroth understands that there will be no such thing as escape. The baby smiles up at him, and the crinkle of her little nose reminds him of the Professor. He smiles in return and thinks that this small creature before him is too wise for her age. The world drops away as he feels her mind, still too young to understand what she is asking, brush against the walls of his consciousness. He closes his eyes and sees the visions she wants to show him. She has not long existed in this world, so the place she shows him is somewhere he can no longer remember. They float together serenely in the dark, enveloped in warmth. He realizes that she must be showing him the one place that she has ever felt safe, still inside her mother. This is her way of wanting him to feel safe too. He looked down on the face of the child who couldn’t walk or talk but understood that he needed comfort and promised himself that he would give her the same love that she had just given to him. He would do everything within his power to protect her. Sephiroth did not know how wrong he would be.

“What’s her name?” he asked, his fingers gently running over the tip of the child’s nose causing her to giggle at his touch.

The woman smiled sadly as she watched them, knowing in her heart that her daughter would face the same fate the boy had to live.

“Aerith. Her name is Aerith.”

Sephiroth had never heard anything so beautiful.

#### He grows as her protector.

#### She grows as his only friend.

Not a day went by that Sephiroth and Aerith did not find each other. He is twelve and she is seven. Hojo has never once found them because they travel to a place that he will never be able to find. The secret place that she showed him the first time he saw her face smiling up at him. It has changed in the time they have been together. Both Aerith and Sephiroth have never known anything besides the cold sterile walls of the labs of ShinRa, so together they build their secret place to their liking. The grass is as green as Sephiroth’s eyes, and blanket rolling hills that continue forever. Above them is the sun shining brightly in the blue sky, always staying frozen in the same spot. A tree hangs over their heads, every branch covered in the pink flowers Aerith insisted upon. Sometimes a swing hung from the branches of the tree, and Sephiroth would hold her in his lap as they swung gently together and recounted to each other the tests that Hojo had put them through, seeking the strength of the other in their shared troubles. Other times a picnic blanket would rest just outside of the shadow of the pink tree, and the two would sit together basking in the warmth of their pretend sun while they told each other of all of their hopes and dreams.

“You’re my best friend, Sephiroth. I love you,” she would say, her voice small as she still held on to her childish wonder he so envied her for. Sephiroth would smile and pull her into his side so that she could play with the silky strands of his silver hair and whisper that he loved her too.

He is to be sent off to war tomorrow, but he doesn’t dare to tell her. He’s still too young to be capable of fully processing what exactly he is being sent into himself. But that does not matter to Hojo and the rest of ShinRa. He is a weapon. His only reason for living was to fight. The perfect SOLDIER.

It is a night much the same as the night that the Professor tried to steal him away from this world that Aerith drags the feather-light touch of her consciousness against his own, and he can sense the panic immediately as he allows her in. She’s crying, the tears in her eyes shining against the green of her eyes.

“It’s Mommy, Seph. You have to help.”

He’s out of his bed without another word. 

It’s been a long time since Sephiroth has snuck out of the halls of the lab, not since his failed escape with the Professor all those years ago. Hojo had beaten him for it, and for a creature built for strength, he had been left feeling weaker than he had ever felt in his life. But he had a purpose now. Someone else was not trying to save him, but there was someone that he was trying to protect. It’s quiet, almost painfully so, but he continues in his mission, walking as he had been trained to be light on his feet. None of the guards seemed to notice him, almost as though it was through sheer force of will that he remained unseen. The path to their prison is one he still remembers from the time when Gast would bring him to see the woman.

There are no guards when he arrives, and he thanks Gaia before looking over the scene before him. Aerith and her mother are held behind a wall of glass. Aerith kneels before her, brushing the woman’s chestnut brown curls away from her sweaty forehead as she shivers in pain. Sephiroth is not sure what is wrong with her, but he is sure that she is like this because of Hojo, the madman having no sense of when to stop. Aerith felt his presence and turned to face him, placing her hand on the glass wall that separated them. He felt his knees give out from under him as her pain washed over him. Sephiroth placed his hand to meet hers. Everything felt so much stronger now that they physically stood together, joined together simply by space and not the mental bond that connected them. When was the last time he had truly seen her? Had it truly been the day when she was still just a baby and had been taken into Hojo’s custody?

Her face was wet with tears, and he watched as one dripped from her chin to the floor, his enhanced ears catching the sound it made when it plopped on the floor.

Sephiroth rose to examine the glass that kept him from her. It was the only barrier between them. The only wall preventing Aerith and her mother from their freedom. He is a weapon. Created for destruction. He brings the wall of glass crashing down.

Aerith’s mother perks at the noise, the hope of escape and the drive to protect her daughter instilling in her enough strength to drag herself from the floor and take her daughter into her arms. She looks beyond the shards of glass and sees the boy that she could not save looking back at her, resolution set on his features as it is now his time to save her.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathes and lets him feel the regret and guilt she has felt all of these years at not having been able to bring him with her when she and Gast had escaped.

Sephiroth only smiles and helps the woman onto her feet. “Do you remember the way out? I’ve never been able to leave.”

She nods and takes his hand, still the small hand of a child but he has seen so much in his short life that she feels she has no right to call him such. “Come with us. Let me do what I could not before.”

He only shakes his head, knowing if ShinRa couldn’t send him off come morning there would be hell to pay. “I can’t. Hojo will only find you faster that way.”

She cries as she knows he is right, and she has a daughter that she must protect above all else. She watches as the boy takes Aerith into his arms and whispers his sweet and childish feeling, and then Aerith is once again in her arms, and she looks back sadly as she can only carry the one child to safety.

Aerith comes to him hours later in their secret place, the sun replaced with a cloudy starless night sky. Her face is somber, and she can no longer cry any more tears. She tells him that her mother is gone, but that she is safe. He holds her in his arms, the only place either of them will ever be able to find comfort.

#### He becomes terror.

#### She becomes beauty.

ShinRa sends him to Wutai the morning after Aerith’s escape. He welcomes the change if only to escape Hojo who has gone on a rampage now that two of his precious specimens have disappeared. Hojo wants more than anything to torture the answer of out Sephiroth. To beat and starve and take every last ounce of hope he has ever felt until he is begging Hojo to let him tell him where they have run off to if only so that the pain will stop. But ShinRa will not allow it. He is their weapon, and they will only accept putting him on the battlefield in top condition, and they want him on that  _ now.  _ Sephiroth smirks as he climbs into the helicopter with a few other members of his squadron, watching as Hojo seethes in anger at being scolded for even suggesting that they delay sending their prized fighter off into battle, none of them caring that he is only a twelve-year-old boy. It is with this pride in his heart that Sephiroth gladly runs into war.

Aerith calls him to their secret place only when he allows her to do so, and even then it is more difficult for her to reach him. Sephiroth is sure that if she were any other person that they would never be able to caress his mind and ask for entrance from halfway across the world, but this is Aerith. They have had seven years to build their bond to this point, but even still their connection is wobbly like she’s going through a tunnel while she’s talking on a PHS. 

She is upset with him, as he suspected she would be. He’s become the poster boy for SOLDIER, his face plastered in the newspaper on a near-daily basis on his efforts in the war. Her new mother teases her for keeping a picture of him she cut from the paper pinned above her bed, but the thought warms his heart. 

She asks about Wutai, and if it’s really as savage as ShinRa says it is. He tells her that it is beautiful, but that its people are stubborn to refuse ShinRa. He does not tell her that he wished he were like the people of Wutai, free of ShinRa’s shackles. He allows her deeper in his mind as he shows the scenery he has had the pleasure of seeing, and she grins in delight when he shows her the  _ sakura  _ trees that remind her so much of the tree they created together in their secret place. She asks when he’ll be able to come home. He tells her he does not know, only that he promises that one day he will come home to her.

Every day another life is added to the number that he is taken. He has become the Silver General. The Scourge of Wutai. Sometimes he wonders if any of it is worth it as he cleans Masamune of the blood of yet another soul he has sent to return to the Lifestream. And then Aerith will come to him, and he watches as she grows in the years he is away at war, becoming more beautiful every day as she gets to taste the freedom he will never be able to enjoy. Always a prisoner. Sephiroth convinces himself that this is for her. That what Wutai desires will only harm the only thing that he has ever loved. He will continue to fight for her to protect her, but he still is never quite sure what it is that he is protecting her from. The blood will continue to spill.

#### He is found.

#### She is his keeper.

Nine years since his first departure and finally the war sees an end. ShinRa sees to it that their golden boy is no longer kept hidden in Hojo’s shadows. There’s no way to explain the disappearance of a war hero as famous as he. They placed him in a nice apartment, one with two bedrooms and a balcony that looked out over Midgar’s plate. He sits out there often, body lax as he relaxes into the soft plush of his patio furniture enjoying the feel of the sun on his face in a way that he had never been allowed in his life. ShinRa had tried to place him in one of their suites in the tower, but he had refused on the lie that he could never accept so extravagant. They gushed at his humbleness and placed him in an apartment building nearby. He was overjoyed. Nearly twenty-one and finally allowed a brief sense of liberation. Not full freedom, as he was well aware, but on a much longer leash.

Aerith comes to him that night in their secret place, radiant as always. She has grown so much in the time he has been away. A beautiful and bright young woman with all of the world ahead of her. She lets out a bright laugh when she sees him standing under their tree. Their connection is stronger now that he is so close, and she is finally able to reach out to touch him after so many years of talking through static. Aerith leaps into his arms, and Sephiroth pretends that he is not blushing.

“You’re home,” she sighs and twirls his silvery hair around her fingers just like she used to when she was young and they were both still prisoners.

Sephiroth chuckles, deep and throaty, “I promised, didn’t I?”

Aerith hums in response, still so caught up in the sensation of once again being able to feel him fully through their bond. She’s so much smaller than he remembers, or maybe he’s just become so much bigger. She pulls away from him, and he feels his heart tighten in fear that maybe she has discovered all of the things he has done, all of the horrors that he has committed in the name of ShinRa, and that she will tell him that she never wants to see a monster like him again. But Aerith keeps her hands resting on the top of his arms and smiles up at him so warmly he feels for a second that he has forgotten how to breathe. 

“Will you come and see me?” The words fall from her mouth in barely a whisper, but she knows that he will be able to hear.

“I want nothing more.”

And he stays true to his word.

While he is not constantly monitored as he was as a child, ShinRa still keeps a close eye on Sephiroth, so he must pick the moments to slip down to the slums underneath the Plate carefully. Aerith begs him daily as she waits impatiently for his visits. He is nearly as impatient to see her just as she is to see him, but he understands that if ShinRa finds her that she will be dragged back to Hojo kicking and screaming and there would be nothing that he would be able to do to save her.

There is a lull in his paperwork one odd day, and he finally sees this as a chance to sneak beneath the Plate to see her. He wears simple clothes with a hood pulled over his head to attract as little attention to himself as possible. He boards the train that will take him below the Plate and sends out his consciousness towards her, caressing the edges of her own. He uses this as a guide, and when the train stops at the station in the Sector 5 slums, he departs from the train as he can feel this is closest to her. He wanders through the slums, watching as the children run around playing and the adults go about their business trying to make money in any way that they can. He notices a few Turks wandering around the area, and they spark his curiosity, but they are not what he has come here for.

His journey to Aerith leads him to quieter parts of the slums until suddenly it is just him and the ever-growing feel of her presence amongst all of the scrap. He comes upon a church, a beacon of hope in all of this rubble, and opens the doors. She kneels on the other side of the sanctuary, tending to an impossible patch of flowers that grow in the dirt in a hole through the floorboards. He knows that she feels he is here, but she is content with her flowers so he only moves forward to come to sit next to her while she works, glad to be able to feel her physically next to him. Aerith smiles up at him as the old wood of the floor creaks under him and moves to pick one of her flowers and tuck it gently behind his ear.

Her hand falls to his shoulder, and then she is moving to wrap her arms around his neck.

“I’ve missed you.”

He breaths in the scent of her, and cannot deny that he has missed her too.

The church becomes their new secret place. He slips down to see her every chance that he gets and feels every bit the role of her protector, the title he had given himself when he had been so young but understood even then that he would only ever belong to her. He fends off the creatures that live in the slums from coming in to harm her precious flowers. He wards off the Turks that he now knows have been sent to watch her with a glare filled with the promise of murder if they ever so much as dare to try and drag her back to the life he had helped her escape from.

They talk about everything and nothing during their time in the church. Sephiroth complains about the rarely ending pile of paperwork. Aerith talks about her adoptive mother and how grateful she is to have her. The talking turns into holding, with Aerith sitting on his lap with her head resting on his chest as they talk about their dreams for the future. The holding turns into sweetly stolen kisses, and Sephiroth imagines this is what life will be like when ShinRa finally releases him from their grasp. Basking in the perfume of the flowers Aerith grows while he holds her intending to make sure she remembers that she is the only thing in his life that he has ever loved.

It seems that nothing in their life can stay the same for too long.

Sephiroth is there the day that Zack Fair falls through the roof of their church, ever the puppy that Angeal had described him to be, and it is at that moment that their lives are led to the end.

#### He becomes darkness.

#### She tries to hold him in the light.

He was on a mission once again, the secret place of their bond the only haven they have once again. But there is something different now, another voice screaming for his attention that he can no longer ignore. It is as they reach Nibleheim that it grows even stronger, maybe even stronger than the bond that he and Aerith share. Aerith begs him to shut the voice out, that whoever it is trying to speak to him will only cause him pain, but he does not feel pain. No, this is acceptance, this is understanding, the voice knows him for the monster he is and her words urge him into action. Aerith weeps for him, desperate for him to cling to her, but he could, not when he knows that if he were to show her who he has truly become she would run away in fear.

It is there in the Mako reactor that he finds her. The person he did not realize he had been searching for his entire life. Jenovah sings her praises to her son. Whispering in his ear that this is exactly who he was meant to be. He can feel Aerith through their bond once again, begging him not to follow the voice, but this is his mother, someone that can love a monster like him. Aerith shouts for him to stop, that her love for him is enough, but he steps fully into the embrace of his mother’s wisdom and he can no longer hear Aerith screaming for him to let her bring him home. A part of him is terrified. A part of him feels that this is what freedom finally tastes like.

He burns Nibelheim to the ground as his mother commands, and he can feel the joy that comes from her and relishes in his power. He seethes in rage when he is stopped short, and by that foolish boy of an officer named Cloud. Sephiroth falls into the Mako pooling at the bottom of the reactor, but he does not scream as he feels his skin burn. He accepts that he has been bested, and feels himself being dragged down into the depths of the lifestream. But he remains living, too powerful, or perhaps simply too stubborn to die. 

#### He is Death.

#### She Is Life Bringing.

Sephiroth’s mother continues to whisper in his head, seeking out those that are like him. Those that carry her cells inside of her can hear her voice, and she urges them to seek her. As god of this new world, he allows himself the privilege of watching the thing he had once cared about. His mother begged him to let go, but he was to be god, it was his right to watch over her. She was the enemy now. Helping the one that had tried to kill him in his quest to save the Planet. There was no hope for them. He would summon Meteor, and when Gaia called forth the Lifestream to heal herself he would be there waiting to become one, and then Gaia would be no more. All that would remain would be Sephiroth and the planet and all of its lifeforce would become his.

Aerith continued to remain in his way. She was unsuccessful in trying to keep him from obtaining the Black Materia. He knows that she has wandered off by herself. She knows that he watches her. She knows that they were together in Cloud’s mind as she calls her friends to the ancient city of her people.

#### He is Black.

#### She is Holy.

She is waiting for him when he arrives, knelt on the floor with her hands folded in prayer. He drops down, Masamune withdrawn and falls towards her. He plunges the sword straight through her heart. He hears Cloud scream and his mother praise him.

Aerith drags him to their secret place inside of their minds once again, and he feels as though he has stumbled out of a fog and can think clearly for the first time in years. Aerith stands before him under their tree, and he falls to his knees with the realization of what he has done, of the monster he has finally succumbed to.

“Oh, Aerith, what have I done?” he weeps, clutching tightly to her dress as he trembles with the knowledge that he has killed her.  _ He has murdered her _ .

Aerith smiles serenely, and plays with his silver hair for what he knows will be the last time. “It’s alright. She can’t reach you here. Not anymore.”

He continues to shake as he realizes that he wants none of it. Not the planet, not the power, nothing if it means that she has to die. But it is only here that he is safe from the whispering voice of Jenovah. Only here in Aerith’s final moments where she is pouring every ounce of her love into keeping his mind sane so that he can say goodbye. He knows that when she finally fades, the insanity will return, and Jenovah will return to his mind because he can already feel her trying to claw her way in.

“How can you be so calm when you’re about to die?”

“Because I know that I will be with you again.”

Aerith holds his face in her hands and places a gentle kiss on his forehead, whispering for the final time that she loves him before she fades away to greet the Lifestream and their secret place is left empty and Jenovah forces her way into his mind once again. 

Standing on the altar, Sephiroth smirks as he gazes down upon the one thing that could have stopped him from gaining his godhood. Little does he know that the heavens have already heard her prayers, and the one person who loved him has already been the cause of his defeat.

#### He is her destruction.

#### She is his salvation.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it! I've had this idea in my head for a little while and it felt really good to get it out on paper.
> 
> *2-25-21 Minor edits made to formatting


End file.
